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March, 2001
From the Trenches
Steve Gabriel
Modesty in Dress: Fighting the Good Fight
Any father with a daughter over the age of ten knows what a struggle it can be teaching them the importance of dressing modestly. It is difficult because of the incredible peer pressure they face to be "with it" and dress like all their friends. Indeed, many of the styles today are designed to be "sexy"--and these styles are available for girls much younger than we may like to think.
It is no secret that adolescents and teenagers are not known for their independent thinking. Of course, there are exceptions. But, they generally don't like to be different from their friends. They want desperately to be accepted. And if they are not accepted, their peers can be extremely cruel. So, our kids are under a lot of pressure to conform. It is important for us fathers to understand the kind of pressure our kids are facing when we try to exert our influence on them. Notwithstanding the peer pressure our kids face among their friends, we must remember that we parents have far more influence on our children than anyone else does. The key is learning how to wield this influence wisely.
As fathers, we are in a unique position to explain to our daughters how men and women are "wired" much differently with respect to their sexuality. Of course, this discussion must be pursued with tact and delicacy. However, we can help them to understand that immodest dress can be an occasion of sin for the boys who see them. Certainly, they would not want that.
It can be tricky keeping up with the wardrobes of our growing daughters. A skirt that was perfectly fine six months ago may be dreadful today. On more than one occasion I have walked into church on Sunday to notice a daughter wearing a skirt or dress that was far too short. Of course, it fit her fine several months earlier.
Some girls will respond differently to the guidance we provide. Some will be compliant and try to please their parents by dressing according to their guidelines. Others will be difficult and oppose us every step of the way. We have to recognize that each of our daughters is made differently, with their own personality, strengths and weaknesses. They are no different than us. Nevertheless, we must persevere with firmness and affection in our efforts to teach our daughters this important lesson in modesty.
Steve Gabriel is the author of "Speaking to the Heart: A Father's Guide to Growth in Virtue"
which can be ordered directly from
Our Sunday Visitor.
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