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March, 2001
Dads Plus
Dennis HelmingI CAIN'T JUST SAY NO
"Just say no" is the advice given to teens nationwide by the proponents of abstinence from sex, drugs and booze. The slogan is intended to bolster youngsters in the face of peer jeer, lest they get swept off their feet by the crowd. But herd pressures are the least of their problems. The biggest challenge is for them (for all of us) to find something worthwhile to say Yes to. Until they do, they will often lack the mental-spiritual stamina even to whisper an occasional No. Nowhere more than here is it true that nature abhors a vacuum.
Parents, too, must "hate" any emptiness in their children. They ought to anticipate their growing need to be useful, to experience the thrill of mastery, of making, of building, of helping. Teens who are busy, excited and happy are largely immune to self-defeating behavior. If for no other reason they end the day too contented and tired to indulge in the self-pity that leads to cheap pleasures. So, moms and dads: fan their hobbies and outside interests. Show them how they can help a shut-in. Help them with their studies. Encourage them in their initiatives. Teach them skills and crafts. Facilitate their athletic abilities. Give them inalienable responsibilities. Even bribe them to read.
Above all, give them parents (and teachers) who are excited and exciting, pledged to excellence, whether at home or on the job, enterprising in serving others, who are walking, breathing examples of the joys that flow from self-forgetfulness. Children who see their parents' mutual love grow with every passing year, with every new obstacle, won't fall for the teases that deceive. About the only thing they might get hooked on is the God their parents are quietly, unostentatiously, trying to echo.
Dennis Helming is the author of "The Examined Life" which can be ordered directly from Spence Publishing
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