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April, 2001
What Dads Do
Patrick DiVietriDads Communicate
When we think of communication we normally consider things such as talking, listening and understanding. However, we would like to draw a distinction between these and what constitutes "true" communication. Talking, listening and understanding are communication skills and are mostly taught within the daily activities of family life. True communication, is more than these skills. It is based upon those things that are mutually shared or loved by both parties. If both parties value baseball or education, then baseball or education becomes a matter of communication. If it is not mutually held, then it becomes a matter of information. Information is fine but it does not have the capacity to unite people. Values unite people
Values that are held in common unite people and families. If the values are profound and worthy of human dignity they will withstand crisis and deepen the character of the individuals and the family. Conversely, it can be said that crisis will challenge the values of a family and reveal the characters of its members. If the values are based on superficialities such as money, power, physical beauty or pleasure they will crumble under stress. This is not because these are bad things in and of themselves. It is good to have money for temporal security and to do good works, and it is good that people are beautiful and can give pleasure to others. However, these things are not sufficient enough to ensure a healthy marriage. Experience shows us that religious and moral values provide a sound foundation because they protect the dignity of each person.
- Honesty and sincerity protect the truth.Respect protects each member from being hurt.Modesty, sincerity, trust and prudence protect the intimacy of each person.
- Loyalty, responsibility and understanding protect friendship.
- Prudence protects against ignorance bad decisions.
- Fortitude, perseverance, industry and courage protect against weakness and fear.
- Temperance and moderation protect against inordinate desires and passions.
- Justice protects what is due to each human being.
- Faith, hope and charity protects against delusion, despair and selfishness.
Religion provides the context for understanding the purpose of life and its events. It is the task of the family to share the knowledge of truth about persons and their importance in God's plan. They show how each person stands in relation to God. Both parents and children are prized in an intimate manner. The shared values of the parents are expressed to the children by example and direction. These same values unite the family while forming the children's character. The vow of permanence, fidelity and fruitfulness of the parents bind all these and are expressed in the virtues of daily life.
Above all else, the primary communication in a family is one of love. The first role of the family is to love and to build a civilization of love. Parents know their children as no one else can and can love them as know one else can. The unconditional love of family members to each other makes their roles irreplaceable.
Dr. DiVietri writes a monthly column for Dad's Den and can be visited at The Family Life Institute.
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