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August, 2001

Family life today can be rather hectic and stressful. Between the demands of our professional life, the kids' activities and school assignments and the challenge of managing the logistics of getting everyone where they are supposed to be at the time they are supposed to be there, it's a wonder that there is any truly family life at all. It seems there is little we can do to avoid the rat race short of drastically limiting the number of our activities and commitments.

There is one step we can take, however, to enhance the quality of our family life. I suggest that the family dinner be made a "sacred" event in which all family members are expected to participate.

It is the job of the parents to be sure that there are no mere spectators at the dinner table. In other words, the parents should encourage all members of the family to engage in the conversation that takes place at the table. Dinner should be a time for sharing thoughts and the events of the day. We can talk about the day's national and world news, the goings on at school, philosophical and theological matters, books recently read, family history, and anything that is of interest to the family. There is only one thing I can think of that should be off limits during family conversation--anything remotely resembling gossip.

Dinnertime can be a time for the family to regroup as a family. It's a time to foster family unity. It's a time to encourage and support each other. And, it's a time for teaching the children the art of cheerful social intercourse. Here we can teach our kids to express interest in the concerns of their brothers and sisters and other members of the family.

How, you might ask, can you require all your family members to be present at family dinner with all the activities with which they are involved? This would be an impossible task, you say! I suggest you start by making family dinner a priority. If you and your wife truly believe in the importance of family dinner, you'll find a way to implement it. As a first step, you might limit the kids' activities to those that do not necessitate their absence during the dinner hour. And, of course, it is vital that we, ourselves, make sure we get home from work in time for dinner. Perhaps moving the dinner hour to a later time will enable all family members to be present for dinner.

I do suggest that we try to be flexible in implementing our plan to have a family dinner each evening. There have to be exceptions. There will be times when a child cannot be home for dinner. And there may be times when a child will not be home for dinner for a period of time, say, during football season, when practices and games frequently interfere with dinner. The important thing is that these should be considered the exceptions to the rule. Indeed, there may be times when we should say "no" to a child's request to participate in an activity solely on the grounds that it will interfere with family dinner.

Family members are individuals with individual activities, interests, and goals. And that is the way it should be. However, if we are to nurture and form these individuals within the secure setting of family life, the family must function as the "intimate community of life and love" that it was called to be. Family dinnertime can be the heart of this community. But, it will take commitment and effort to make it a reality.

Steve Gabriel is the author of "Speaking to the Heart: A Father's Guide to Growth in Virtue"
which can be ordered directly from Our Sunday Visitor.

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