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July, 2002
Dad's Plus
Dennis Helming
Reinventing Dad (Part 4)
Act. Don't react.
In a nutshell the problem with most dads is that
in
this parenting game they feel so inferior to their wives, who operate
much
more naturally on the basis of intuition and instinct. That
liability,
coupled with a shortage of time and updated role models, makes for
interior complications and exterior hesitations, when and if dad gets
around to asking himself what he's supposed to be doing back at the
ranch
anyway. The worst thing to do is what's the most frequent: waiting
behind
the newspaper for trouble to break out. Here as most everywhere, the
best
defense is a good offense. Have your own agenda and priorities - and act
on
them. Plan and plot your evenings and weekends, even your personal
hobbies and recreations, lest they just happen. If every day you were
to
generate at least one specific pro-family deed (helping Sue with math
homework, working on the washer with Steve, running an errand with
Butch,
having a personal chat with Maribeth, discussing the kids with your
wife
and so on), your conscience would be much clearer and the family would
largely take care of itself. "Divide and conquer" was the Romans'
prescription for winning wars; it's dad's for keeping peace. Because
if
you don't act de-lib-er-ately, with generous forethought, with each of
your
children, one on one, you'll find yourself re-acting in ways that
undermine the family, as you well know and soon enough regret.
Dennis Helming is the author of "The Examined Life" which can be ordered directly from Spence Publishing
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